In this post, I will share two subtle ways to tell if a man really loves you.
I’m writing the post to clear the air because too many women in my life come to me and tell me they are unsure if a man they’re falling for is reciprocating their feelings from an authentic, honest place.
1. Judge him by consistent behavior over time (CBOT)
We all know we’ve been out there dating for any length of time that talk is cheap, which means it’s effortless to tell someone what you think that they want to hear mainly.
When it’s a guy in the early stage of dating him, you need to understand that when it comes to men, the masculine is that actions speak louder than words. No matter what a man is saying, it is his actions that will communicate who he is, what his intentions are, and whether or not he can be trusted clearly.
But an important distinction here is that it’s not just any action. It’s not just one action. Many women I work with tend to take one action a man engages in to spin an entire story, even a whole identity. It’s out of that one action, and apparently, it’s not right.
For example, a guy holds the door for you when you’re out on a date with him in the early stages of getting to know him. When he has that door for you, you’re like, wow, this guy is a real gentleman, and this guy must be a great guy, and maybe he’s the one. You may get excited about that one act of kindness.
I’m not saying it’s not great and you can’t appreciate it, but be careful not just to put a guy on a pedestal because he does a great thing once. Similarly, the other side of this happened with a friend of mine.
Recently a guy, maybe you’ve been texting with him for a little while, and then all of a sudden, you text him, and he doesn’t respond for five to seven hours. Then he gets back to you, and you get in your head about it when he’s not responding.
You might say, wow, oh my gosh, this guy hasn’t responded for so long. He must be talking to another woman and can’t be trusted. Or maybe he’s just playing games with me. They create an entire story during that delay.
It happened to me recently with a client, and she was literally in tears over this guy who just hadn’t texted her. I’m like, it’s okay, and it’s one incident.
We don’t want to create a story or an identity over someone over one incident. What we do want to look at is a little thing I call CBOT (consistent behavior over time).
This type of action gives you a clear indicator of who a man truly is. His consistent behavior over time is the ultimate expression of whether or not he’s someone you want to spend time with.
When you text him, whether or not he texts back promptly, and if he consistently gets back to you within an hour or two, provided he’s not off the grid for whatever reason most of the time.
Does he check in with you and ask questions when you are out? The answer is about if he is genuinely curious about what’s going on in your life.
Regularly when guys are talking and hanging out, do you feel that sense of curiosity, and is he consistently demonstrating that he’s interested in you as a person?
Not just as this thing to be conquered. Looking at a person’s consistent behavior over time without judgment will help you understand if he’s someone you can trust.
And so, when looking at a man’s CBOT, it’s important not to let an individual incident throw everything out of whack. Say he’s consistently showing up and giving you all the signs that he’s a great guy. Then he drops the ball once many times, especially if you’ve had past trauma.
Women tend to look at that as a huge red flag and think he didn’t do it. This one time, it’s like he didn’t text you back promptly that one time. But what about the last 50 texts or the last month of texts where he did respond to you?
Let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water. Give a guy a little break. Nobody’s perfect, and occasionally, we will drop the ball. But as long as we consistently show up over time, we’re in it for the right reasons. We’re probably in it to win it with you.
2. Care more about his actions than his words
The second action step you want to look at is the alignment between a man’s actions and words.
Are they congruent? Do they back themselves up? Does he say I really care about you and want to get to know you better?
Does he back that up by asking questions that allow him to get to know you better? Does that make sense, like you want to get the feeling that he is not just saying these things but backing them up with his actions consistently over time?
Because if he’s saying something like I really want to get to know you better, you’re so interesting, and you have such a fascinating story. He spends all of your dates and time together talking about himself.
Those two things don’t add up. So when you have that in congruence, that’s a good sign of recognizing that, well, maybe he’s just telling me what he thinks I want to hear and doing whatever he wants to do to get to the end goal.
Whether that be sleeping with you or whatever he’s looking to do, if you look at those two major things, what’s his consistent behavior over time and how do his actions and words line up all the time, that’s going to give you a really clear picture over who this person is and whether or not you want to be in a meaningful long-term relationship.
Do you want to trust them? Do you want to open your heart up to them? I want to give you one bonus tip that’s super-duper important when you’re evaluating this man’s behavior.
When you’re evaluating your time together, ask yourself how you feel in your body when you are with him. Do you feel secure or honored by this man in front of you? Your body is an incredible source of divine wisdom if you can listen to your body and ask yourself whether you feel safe around this person.
That will often give you another super clear indicator beyond the x’s and o’s (hugs and kisses, ‘X’ means a gesture of the arms when one hugs, and ‘O’ implies the shape of the mouth for a kiss) of his words and actions.
It’s an even deeper indicator of whether he’s someone you should trust or explore a relationship with because you have a powerful intuition. Please learn to trust that in the process of getting to know somebody.
Conclusion
So there are two subtle ways to tell if a man really loves you.
The first one is judging him from a long-term evaluation, and the second point is caring more about his behaviors and what he means beyond that than his words.
[Also read: 4 Signs He’s Emotionally Investing In You]
I hope that these tips served you and that you can use them to create unique relationships with guys that are getting to know you.
