Ladies, One Thing some men have perfected is making a woman feel like she’s asking for too much. The worst part about this is that if she is not grounded in what she wants in a relationship, she will start to believe him.
That’s why in this post we are going to talk about what the bare minimum is when you are dating. So that the next time a man tells you you’re asking for too much, you can confidently tell him: no, I’m not. That’s their minimum.
Bare Minimum Is…
Before I get into what the first bare minimum in a relationship is, I’d like to define what the bare minimum is first. Bare minimum meaning in a relationship: It is essentially the least a man can do. It is a step above zero.
If you are dating a bare minimum man, that means he doesn’t like you, he’s just making do. If he finds a better woman than you, he will not hesitate to find excuses to abandon you.
And, your bare minimum is the minimum requirement you have for the other person in a relationship. It is the standard that you cannot compromise on when you choose a spouse.
So you know you have zero, then you have one. Bare minimum is just level one, and when think about it in those terms, you start to realize that you’re likely not asking for too much.
8 Signs That Defines A Bare Minimum Man
1. Lack of Communication
With this in mind, the first bare minimum is communication. I am talking about phone calls and text messages. This has to be consistent and daily.
So if your partner or potential partner is blowing hot and cold, you hear from him today and 5 days later you don’t hear anything. That’s unacceptable. Never allow a man to make you feel like you’re asking for too much when it comes to consistent communication.
The thing with this is that you find yourself killing that part of you that craves consistent communication simply because you want to be with this man. Don’t do it, ladies, don’t?
A couple of months ago, I had a Q&A session on my Instagram story, and one of the ladies shared with me that she was in a talking stage with this guy. The guy was already telling her not to expect him to talk to her every day, even when they start dating because he is a very busy person.
Can you imagine how manipulative that is? He is already trying to condition her into accepting that nonsense.
And the worst thing is this: if you are in that situation and you are not grounded on what your deal breakers are, you could find yourself going along with it.
I had to tell the truth. I told her that’s an absolute lie. He is the one pursuing. You have to set the standards and you should either meet those standards or walk away. Nobody, ladies, nobody’s that busy.
During his lunch break, there is an opportunity for him to reach out to you. If he has a driver who takes him to work, that’s another opportunity. Immediately he opens his eyes in the morning, he should pick up his phone. Send you a message before going to bed is another opportunity. If he takes his phone to the restroom, guess what another opportunity to reach out to you.
So nobody’s that busy, except if he has no access to his phone or he is at a war front, then he has no excuse for not checking in with you every day.
No man who truly and deeply cares about you will go days without checking in on you. Do you know what communication is? It is beyond the exchange of calls and texts, it is bonding, it is intimacy.
It is saying my day has been busy but you’ve been on my mind and he just to make you think that’s too much.
2. He Doesn’t Pay On Dates
Oh, please, now number two, and this one is going to trigger some people, but I’m still going to say it because I honestly don’t care. Tough conversations are necessary.
The second sign is him paying on dates. I know here would come the feminists. I want to pay on dates. I want him to respect me. I want him to know that I can hold my excuse.
Of all the ways you can command respect from this man, of all the ways that you can prove to him that you can hold your own, you choose to do it by being on a date, a first date nonetheless. Wow, what a wonder. I don’t pay on dates. Something in me would shrivel up and die if I ever paid on a date.
I am the type of woman who would rather make a homecooked meal than go to a restaurant and rip out my wallet and pay for food. It’s not happening.
Sleeping away in the kitchen already communicates that I care about you. I love you. I want to feed you. Fortunately, the men I have always attracted in my life are men who are providers. They do not see buying me a plate of food as a problem.
Ladies, don’t allow this. Our new Society, or a man for that matter, condition you into thinking that you are not worthy of a plate of food. When you think about it in those terms, it sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? How much is a pleat of food?
A man once told my friend that if she is with a man who doesn’t spend on her at his level, she should run because that’s a man who doesn’t care about her.
Men are conditioned to take care of the women they care about, so stop thinking that whipping out your wet and being on a date is going to make him respect you. In fact, that is the way you attract users.
That is the way you attract dusty men who want to take advantage of you. If he is reluctant about buying you a plate of food which you now know is the bare minimum, how would you then expect him to just go above and beyond? When you are in a relationship together? See that it’s a loose situation.
So if paying on the date is a problem for him, then he’s not somebody who is prepared to do the bare minimum.
3. He’s Emotionally Unavaliable
Now the third minimum, and that is emotional availability and emotional intelligence.
I don’t think desiring a man who is attuned to his emotions, knows how to communicate his feelings without getting defensive, and knows how to give and receive love is such a high standard. This is another bare minimum.
It is horrible to date an emotionally unavailable man. It would be similar to you hitting your head against a wall because he would never be vulnerable with you.
He would never openly talk about his feelings with you and he would never leave himself open enough for a deeper connection and intimacy, except you are emotionally wanted as well. This is something that can lead to a serious crack in your relationship.
I am going to share a few signs that a mind could be emotionally unavailable so that you can watch out for this. Okay, the first is that he could be with you, but he’s not present.
You know what I mean. He’s there with you. He’s either on his phone. He would rather be talking to his friends. He would rather be playing some game or some match. He’s not just present.
Another sign is that he could have difficulty expressing his emotions. He doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings. He avoids tough conversations.
You know those kinds of men that where you want to have some serious conversation with them, they run away or they make up an excuse, or they tell you how they an easy way to work. They don’t have time for that.
Yes, those types of men, that man are emotionally unavailable.
Another thing is that vulnerability is not something he’s H to, and the worst part with this is that he will also see your vulnerability and emotional needs as a burden. He cannot deal with it. He cannot handle you being vulnerable, and the last sign I have here is that he is terrified of commitment. He prefers things to be casual and on the surface.
If you are an emotionally wholesome woman and he’s making you feel that his being emotionally available or emotionally intelligent is a burden run, that’s the bare minimum.
4. No Acknowledgement of Your Relationship
Now, number four: this one is something that women are usually scared of asking, and that is a verbal acknowledgment of where you stand with each other.
Do you know that some women have thought they were in a relationship for months and sometimes even years, only to find out that they were not in a relationship?
I’m sure we’ve all heard stories of a woman who maybe something happened with a man she thought she was with and she said: Oh, I thought we were dating. And the man said: no, we’re not.
And he’s saying it honestly because he never actually verbally asked for an exclusive relationship. Some men have perfected this act of lulling you into a falsehood of a relationship without verbally acknowledging it or asking for it.
Ladies, when a man is intentional with you, he will tell you what he wants from you. He will open his mouth and say to you: I want an exclusive relationship with you.
If he doesn’t do that, how will you know where you stand with him? And let’s say he hasn’t taken that initiative, and you go to him and you say to him:
“Listen, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I would like to know where things are between both of us. I want to know if I should start seeing other people.”
If he sees that as you putting pressure on him or you asking for too much, then that’s somebody who wants to stream you along.
He doesn’t meet your standard and you should not spend another minute with him. It’s as simple as that.
5. He’s Not Finacially Stable
Now number five, and that is financial stability. It is always hilarious to me when I see people trying to defend dating a man who is not financially stable, AKA a broke Man. O, I’m always like: wow, really, how wonderful babies.
I don’t know the type of relationships you’ve been used to, but I am telling you now that financial stability is the bare minimum in a relationship.
There’s a video I saw recently that made me laugh so much. Love will come when you go for love. Money will never come. Cut me anywhere. So they should go for money. Go for money. So what happens to the poor people? Don’t be poor.
No, why she does love the poor man? What? What is poor man doing around love? This is one hilarious video that has a comedic, you know, aspect and a very aggressive approach to it, but the message is the same.
At the end of the day, money creates ease in relationships. Okay, you being taken on a date, getting spoiled with cash and thoughtful gifts, and taking a trip together is all dependent on him having money.
So if you are rejecting financial stability as a bare minimum, you are essentially telling me that you want struggle, and love, that being taken out on dates, being spoiled with cash and gifts, and being taken on a trip are things that you are alleged to do.
Ladies, stop letting society guilt you into thinking that dating a broke man is such a wonderful experience because it is not.
Stress, quarrels, anger, anxiety, tension, frustration, and resentment are just a few of the emotions you are going to feel in such a relationship. Money makes relationships enjoyable, so when next you are vetting a man, make sure that you include financial stability as your bare minimum.
6. He Doesn’t Respect You
Now, number six: the crooks of the matter, and this is respect.
This goes beyond respect, respecting you as a person, and extends to him, respecting your family, your friends, your business, your career, your time, your accomplishments, your beliefs and values, your opinions, your boundary and space, and even your desires. I recently went on a date with a man and he asked me what I did for a living, and I told him.
When I told him he started laughing porous right, I didn’t make a thought about it because I decided there and then that this was somebody I never wanted to see again, because with that simple reaction, he showed me that he doesn’t respect what I do, and that means that he will put me down at every point in time.
It means that if we get into a relationship and let’s say he calls me up for us to go on a date and I tell him: oh D, I can’t of working, he would make some dismissive comment, he would put his own career above mine and that would never ever work for me, ladies, without respect, everything else is pointless.
If he uses every opportunity he gets to talk down at you, to insult you, even in front of others, diminish your accomplishments and worth.
You cannot spend all this time developing yourself, working on yourself by watching videos, reading books. You cannot doing this difficult internal work just for a man who doesn’t know you for very long to into your life and treat you like you have no worth. Never show him the door.
Respect is a bare minimum number.
7. He Hides You In His Social Circle
Seven is not being hidden.
Any man who has shown interest in being with you exclusively should not, in the same vein, try to hide you like a dirty secret. Any man who does this is lying about his relationship status, and that means that you are the side chick, the side entertainment, or he is embarrassed to be seen with you either way. It’s unacceptable.
So the way this manifests is that you find out that the last three dates have been in your house or his house. This is where he has access to some people in your life, but you have no access to people in his life.
It is also when maybe you complain about having not met anybody in his life, and he tells you: oh, that’s fine, let’s go out with a few of my friends, and then you get there, and it’s just you and him, and he tells you: oh sorry, my friend had to cancel, and this happens over and over. that is not somebody you ever want to be with.
I am not saying that he should introduce you to his family after the first date, but he shouldn’t be actively trying to hide you when you’ve gone past the fourth, or fifth date. By that time he should be comfortable taking you around some of his friends.
He should be comfortable being seen in public with you if this is happening and you share your concerns with him, and instead of resolving it, he starts to tell you that you are demanding too much or you’re trying to control the situation or whatever ridiculousness he cooks up.
In this situation, just show him the door. That is a walking talking red flag.
8. He Doesn’t Romance You
And the last but not the least is romance.
Yes, intentionally planning your dates, giving me flowers, thoughtful gifts, surprises, spending quality time together remembering your birthday. I just a few ways that a man can woo or romance you now with what I just said.
Do you honestly think that you are asking for too much? You are not a bare minimum. The relationship is a low-effort relationship and a man not romancing you is low-effort.
He is essentially saying you are not worth me jumping on Google to find out how I can properly or romance you. If a man tells you he doesn’t know how to woo a woman, he is a joker.
Google should be his best friend because there are ideas there. Imagine giving your time, your energy, and even your body to a man who is not intentional with you enough to romance you and will you?
Even when you are in a relationship? That’s horrible. So expecting romance when you’re dating someone is the bare minimum. It is a step above zero.
Conclusion: Bare Minimum = Settling
Okay, I am going to wrap up this post by saying this: accepting a bare minimal relationship or a low-effort relationship is another way of settling because the dynamic in this type of relationship is not very good.
This is when a man is not cheating but there’s no romance. Like I said, this is when he is more comfortable texting you or calling you and is reluctant to see you and spend quality time with you.
This is why he choose to be with you, it’s simply because he wants to be sexually intimate and doesn’t stay consistent in his comment communication. After that’s done, it could be friendship but no intimacy.
The list goes on and on and on. Some men have perfected walking that thing line where they are not necessarily sabotaging the relationship, but they’re not doing much to enrich it or develop it.
They do just enough to string her along or keep her around. I encourage you not to settle, figure out what your standards and compromises are, and do not settle for anything yet than that.
You should want more for yourself because you deserve more.
And that’s it for today’s post. As always, ladies, be kind to yourself and I’ll see you in those posts. Bye.
For Further Reading
- 5 Spiritual Signs That Someone Is Thinking About You Sexually
- Stop Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve: No More Heart-Broken
- Leaving A Narcissist: All You Need To Know
- Flirting vs. Harassment: 23 Signs & Help
- 11 Reasons & Help for When “My Husband Yells at Me”
