Do you dread going on first dates? You’re not alone. It’s a common issue, and so many women have a tough time connecting with men on first dates or turning those first dates into second and third dates.
I know the frustration. Let’s talk about some do’s and don’ts to be unforgettable on a first date with a guy.
This is a common pain point for many women. If you’ve been dating for any length of time, as well as I do, dates fall into two basic categories. You have unforgettable dates.
What do those feel like? It’s where the chemistry is just palpable between you and the person you’re out with. You feel that connection. You feel understood by him.
Everything flows so easily. You just really feel it, not just in your head, but in your heart and body. There’s that electricity between you.
The experience leaves a lasting impression on you, often leading to many more dates and, potentially, a relationship. Then you have other dates where you don’t really remember how they went or what happened to them because they were so forgettable.
We want to avoid falling into that category, especially when we’re going out with guys we like and want to make a great impression on.
In the post, we’re going to talk about eight do’s and don’ts that will help you be unforgettable as a man for all the right reasons.
If you follow these eight do’s and don’ts, you’ll be someone challenging him to get out of his mind and whom he wants to and craves to spend more time with.
1. Do demonstrate your respect and that you are open to him on the first date
The first to do is to demonstrate that you respect and are open to connecting with him in how you show up on the date.
Remember, one of the masculine’s greatest desires is to be respected by the feminine for what he’s doing, and nowhere is that more readily available and apparent than on dates. Some great ways to do this are to be on time or even a little early.
That’s a great way to show that you respect him, and of course, you will also expect that same courtesy from him.
Secondly, wear clothes, makeup, and accessories accentuating your beauty.
A man wants to see that you respect him by the way you show up, take care of your appearance by demonstrating your body and what you look good in, and that you’re showing up that way to him.
It will elevate your value in his eyes and help you become more attractive to him. You want to demonstrate to him non-verbally that you are open to getting to know him on this date.
Smiling and making eye contact is very important with your body language. Don’t cross your arms or have your body angled away from him. Be open to him when you meet him and when you’re sitting with him.
He’s going to feel that at the subconscious level, you’re somebody who’s here, your worth, you’re grounded in it, and you’re open to seeing and experiencing him on this date.
2. Don’t show up with your walls up
Now a big don’t. Refrain from showing up with your walls up and your guns out.
What I mean by that is don’t show up distrusting this experience and expecting it to go badly. This can be challenging, especially if you’ve had a series of difficult dates and you’re online dating.
You don’t know what to expect from these guys, but here’s a crucial point: expectations and beliefs create our reality and results.
It’s imperative for you to go into every day open to the possibility that this guy is going to be great and that you’re going to have a wonderful time. If you show up to the date guarded, shut down, and distrustful, that is a fast way to become a forgettable date for a man.
If he sees that you’re not vulnerable and not open, he will shut down too, and you all will have a very dull, closed-off date. Remember, you are the conductor of the emotional and communicative aspects of any relationship or connection with a man.
In every interaction with a man, know that you are setting the example of whether a vulnerability will be encouraged in that exchange.
3. Do focus on being warm when building a connection with him
Now, another does. Do focus on being warm. Invite, open, and present with him, and let him know that you’re here to have and share an experience with him on that date.
It’s important to recognize here that what makes a date unforgettable for a man is often the energetic experience he has with that woman on the date, how she made him feel and the fun they had.
Men are very experiential in that way. If you can be present, free-flowing, and spontaneous with him, make him laugh, hold your frame, and be very playful with him, he will love that.
Remember, all men are little boys, so if you can be playful and light with him, he will love that. He’s going to eat it up.
Don’t be afraid to joke or tease him. Hold your frame powerfully with him, and go back and forth with them. That’ll set you apart from other women and help draw you deeper into the experience you’re sharing.
4. Don’t read your resume or your accomplishments trying to impress him on the first date
On the other side, don’t try to impress him by reading your resume.
What I mean by reading a resume is don’t try to impress him by just listing off all of the accomplishments you’ve created in your life, work, or schooling.
I am not saying those things don’t have value and that a man won’t be drawn to or impressed by them.
But remember, in the earliest stages of dating and getting to know a man, you’re not trying to impress him. You are seeing if there is attraction, chemistry, and polarity between the two of you.
If you’re looking to cultivate that, you don’t do it by telling him about all the fantastic things you’ve done and created in your work or life. You do it by creating an energetic experience with him.
Again, as you are the conductor of the experience, in many ways, you get to guide and invite him into that polarized dance of masculine and feminine by being in your feminine and inviting him to play with you.
When women go into resume-reading, accomplishment-listing mode, that energy associated with that can often be much more masculine, which can depolarize the situation and cause a guy to check out.
5. Do be a present and active listener to him
Now, another does. Do be a present and active listener to him.
Use your eye contact and body language to demonstrate that you are genuinely interested and connected to what he shares with you.
So often, men will try to demonstrate value to you and build a connection with you by telling stories and talking about everything they’re interested in and passionate about.
It’s a big way that men try to create value in women’s eyes. So if you can show him that you are interested in what he’s sharing, he will feel empowered and help you stand out in his mind.
A great way to demonstrate this curiosity is by asking follow-up questions, mainly based on stories he’s telling or things he’s saying that he’s into.
You have a powerful opportunity to ask questions to get him to speak and feel more profound about the things he’s passionate about. That makes him feel better and more excited about the connection between the two of you, which will help you stand out and be unforgettable to him.
6. Don’t wait for your turn to talk
On the other side, I got a big “don’t” for you: Don’t wait for your turn to talk.
It is so hurtful for a man to look at a woman as he’s working to tell a big story or talk about something that he’s passionate about, and for him to see that she is checked out, checking her phone, looking at the time, staring off into space, or just not present to what it is that he’s talking about.
Men aren’t that intuitive regarding this stuff, but a man can feel it if a woman doesn’t care about what he’s sharing.
That’s a fast way to get a man to feel like you don’t see him, you don’t understand him, you don’t appreciate him, which is going to make him check out, and the date is going to become very forgettable for both of you.
7. Do leave him wanting more
Now, another does. Do leave him wanting more, especially in the early stages of dating, where you invite him forward to be the pursuer and the masculine driver of the connection.
It’s important to remember that men do want a challenge. They want to invest their time and energy into building a connection with you, so it’s not a good idea to sleep with them on the first date. It’s not necessarily a good idea to immediately give him everything he wants.
As the conductor of the relationship, you’re the one that sets the tempo, and you get to be the pacer. You get to pace him because he is going to want, or at least he thinks he wants, all the things you have to offer immediately.
It’s up to you through the use of boundaries and really leaning back and not just giving him everything that he wants, to help him feel that he gets to earn the right to be in your life. He gets to earn the right to have more profound levels of emotional and physical intimacy with him.
I’m not saying you don’t kiss him at the night’s end, but you don’t need to go home with them. Stagger things out and allow him to work towards the deep relationship and commitment with you that you want.
8. Don’t leaning back so far
The “don’t” on the other side of this is don’t lean back so far that he doesn’t know where he stands with you or feels unsafe or connected with you.
Lean back too far makes you lose your potential partner. Don’t be calculated in withholding attention or affection from him. If he texts you, text him back. You don’t need to wait a certain number of hours to do so.
If he says something genuine and kind about you, that he thinks you look gorgeous tonight, or he gives you an authentic, heartfelt compliment, feel free to share something vulnerable with him. Meet him at the level of vulnerability and connection he shares with you.
Don’t hold back from him too much to create a sense of high value with him. If a man feels that you’re playing games and being a little evasive with him, it’s a big turnoff for most authentic, nice guys.
Conclusion
Remember these eight dos and don’ts when you’re out there dating and connecting with men.
[Related Post: 6 Secret Keys To Dating A Younger Man]
1. Do demonstrate that you respect him and his effort of showing up on this date.
It means you’re open to connecting with him by being on time and early, looking good, and showing him non-verbally that you’re open to connecting with him.
2. Don’t show up with walls up, guns out, expecting this date to be a train wreck just like all the rest of them have been up until now.
If you do that, you’re creating an expectation and a belief that will make more of those experiences for you, and you’re going to shut up from him, which is not the kind of vulnerable conductor you want to be on the date.
3. Focus on building a connection with him through warm, inviting energy, openness, and vulnerability.
Remember, you’re creating an energetic experience with this man. That’s what’s going to make you genuinely unforgettable.
4. Don’t try to impress him by reading your resume. Don’t just rattle off all your accomplishments to him.
Remember, you’re not necessarily trying to impress him on this first day. You want to build attraction and a connection with him.
It’s a bit different. If you’re too masculine in the initial stages of getting to know somebody, it will kill the polarity and put the date in the forgettable pile.
5. Do be an active and connected listener to whatever your date is sharing with you.
Whatever stories, hobbies, or passions he’s talking to you about, demonstrate that you’re actively curious about it and ask him follow-up questions.
6. Show him that you’re paying attention and interested in it, and don’t just wait for your turn to talk, check out, look at your phone, and go back and forth exchanging information.
That’s not creating an energetic experience that will make you stand out from all the other women. Shallow, surface-level conversations are the definition of a forgettable date.
7. Refrain from leaning back so far that you are aloof or calculated, or he doesn’t know where he stands with you.
Because if you’re not willing to show up vulnerably and connect with him, he will pull back and shut down, and the date will not go anywhere.
8. Lastly, do leave him wanting more.
Don’t give him too much on the first date or two. Let him earn the right to be in your life and help him understand that you’re high value.
He will need to invest time and energy to be with you in any meaningful, intimate way, emotionally or physically.
