Flirting vs. Harassment: What’s the Difference? 23 Signs & Help

With over a decade as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have certainly seen my fair share of relationship dynamics. Today, an age-old question persists: flirting vs. harassment. Trope It’s a fine line, and once you cross it, you will be in trouble.

The Art of Flirting: When It’s All Fun and Games

When it comes to flirting, a dance well done is quite the sight. Its sassy, its fun and most of all is it welcomed. There are 4 Things That Make Flirting The Right Way To Get Attention

1. Consent: The Golden Rule

Flirting is a two-way street, it’s all about mutual consent. you cannot flirt with someone unless they agree to it.

It’s a bit like a rally in tennis where you serve and they hit it back, and the action goes on with both players in tune. It’s a dance, both sides willing.

That way, when you flirt with each other it’s all good and fun for both. Contrast that with the unilateral nature of sexual harassment. It is that it gets the recipient unwanted attention, making them feel uncomfortable.

To reduce this thrill — set aside to think about virtual sports betting- just as there is online horse racing gambling. If one person’s not returning the ball, finish of game.

2. Check the Vibe: It Feels Good

The real stuff makes you feel good about yourself to be flattered. And you feel some kind of way, all butterflies and such. It’s that sense of nostalgia that makes you smile at yourself later.

Flirting is always playful and never serious. It is about those weird looks, smart comments and sweet jokes that put a smile on your face.

Sexual harassment? Not so much. It is long-lasting and relentless, and it usually makes the victim feel anxious or in danger.

3. It Respects Boundaries

Great flirting has a radar for the level of comfort Which commences light and only brews if both freak-nasty fuckheads are game. A good flirter never oversteps boundaries and always respects if someone is uncomfortable

4. It’s Context-Appropriate

Social settings where we flirt with each other are the normal occurrences of this action. But harassment? It can happen anywhere and seems most likely to occur where it’s least appropriate — in the office.

Timing is everything. Flirting at a bar? Generally okay. You flirt with one of your direct reports at work? And this is where it gets sticky. (More discussion on that later)

5. It’s Subtle

Flirting is often the most efficient when kept simple — a suggestive look here, some teasing there. It cannot be done with grand gestures or outright words, while harassment is more aggressive.

Harassment: When Flirting Crosses the Line

And now, the plot thickens. It turns out that the line between flirting and harassment is pretty blurry, but there are a few red flags. Let’s break it down:

1. It’s Unwanted and Persistent

Consent is the primary difference between flirting and harassment. Flirting becomes harassment when it doesn’t stop after you’ve made it clear you’re not interested.

If someone keeps asking you out, sending messages, or trying to get your attention after you’ve said no, he is pasting flirting and barreling toward harassment land, at this point.

If someone’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in your workplace or social setting, that’s also harassment. It doesn’t have to be directed at you specifically to count.

Harassment happens in all forms [1]. It can be in the form of crossing physical boundaries. It can be anything from “accidental” brushes to more overt physical contact.

It doesn’t matter if they claim they’re “just flirting” – if it’s unwanted, it’s not okay.

2. It’s One-Sided

For one, while flirting requires two active participants pushing and pulling each other closer (or not), harassment often has a unilateral quality.

It is the harasser who chooses to focus his attention on a particular thing, no matter how their victim feels or reacts.

3. It Involves Power Imbalances

But things can get messy here, about “quid pro quo situations”. If someone is your boss, and they are “flirting” with you… well then we might dance over to the side of harassment.

Why? Because they think they cannot say no to you without getting some hostile reply.

Sadly this sometimes happens [1]. When I discussed this topic with one of my female friends in Australia, she resplied with it’s so common in their country. “So much for the West being the leader of women’s rights”.

4. It’s Too Pornographic or Vulgar

Flirting is usually subtle and playful, maybe with a little sexual tension if the conversation has been going well 😉. <=> harassment tends to be overtly sexual or crude.

Especially, harassment isn’t limited to face-to-face interactions. Unwanted sexual messages, explicit photos, or persistent unwelcome contact online all count as harassment.

It can take the form of things as obvious, posted signs, unwelcomed patting, and displaying bad substance. Most possibly, it contains inappropriate comments or jokes which include remarks about your body, your sex life, or your gender.

For Men: When Flirting Becomes Harassment

Okay, so while we’re on the basics let’s jump right into how to navigate this delicate situation. For those interactions that creep closer to the line, here are some tips on what you can do:

1. Read the Room

This is where your social skills will be our best allies. Check the circumstances before you flirt:

For how long have you known that person and rad? How well do you know them? That said: is the comment fitting for your relationship and the seriousness of what you are going through?

2. Non-Verbal Cues

Also, if they are on their phone or with headphones in or reading a book — apparently they are not interested in socializing with you. They are creating social isolation, and more likely would prefer it remain that way. Respect that.

3. Respect Boundaries & Take It Slow

Occasional, light flirting is one thing. But if you’re constantly making flirtatious comments or gestures, it can become overwhelming for the recipient quickly. So control the frequency.

So just start with small light talk on a friendly base. If she seems receptive you can go a little more flirty. But Remember To Step Back If They Are Not Doing The Same.

4. Ask for Consent

When in doubt, ask! It is likely to be awkward but it is more uncomfortable for everyone involved. A simple “Is this okay?” can go a long way.

5. Accept Rejection Gracefully

If someone is not interested, never try to change their opinion or make them feel bad about it. Continuing to pursue someone after they’ve expressed disinterest is a surefire way to cross the line into harassment.

Actually, no one owes you their attention or affection.

6. Be Mindful of Power Dynamics

When you are in a place where you might take advantage of someone, then absolutely do not flirt.

The imbalance of power can dissuade the other party from voicing displeasure or refusing those advances, and your actions might be perceived differently than you intend.

7. Keep It Professional at Work

So notorious, in fact, that we can all agree the workplace is a pretty dangerous place to start flirting. You will just have to keep it professional and save the flirtatious side for social situations.

8. Check Your Intentions

Are you flirting because you’re genuinely interested in getting to know someone, or are you just looking for an ego boost?

If it’s the latter, you might want to reconsider your actions.

For Women: What to Do If Harassed?

In case you have been a victim of unwanted attention here is what to do:

1. Follow Your Instincts

Something feels funny about this. This is not the time to deny your feelings or defend his behavior.

Your instincts are valid. If something feels off, you better believe in yourself.

2. Be Clear and Direct

Inform the person that their behaviour is not wanted and ask them to stop. Be firm and unambiguous.

A simple “Your comments make me uncomfortable. Please stop” can sometimes be enough to nip the problem in the bud.

3. Record Everything

Note Details About Each Incident, Including Dates And Times. If there were witnesses, jot that down too. This documentation can be crucial when you plan to report the behavior or take legal action.

4. Report It

If they continue doing it after you have asked them to stop, then follow your workplace’s procedures, and report their activities to the relevant authorities. At a place of work it would generally be HR or your boss.

5. Turn to Someone else for Help

Don’t go through this alone. Get help from friends, loved ones or a counsellor. They might be able to offer some good emotional support and steer you down the right path.

The main reason I go back and use this chart is because it helps me to see that I’m not the only one on this path. One of my clients who was sexually abused when he was nine, shared with me the analogy, “feels like I’ve been redlining in a car since nine years old.”

It is hard dealing with harassment, but uncomfortable experiences of sexual harassment do traumatize people, and this is a severe problem. Try turning to people for help. This will help you address the issue, then you can move on.

6. Know Your Rights

Sexual harassment is illegal in many contexts, especially in the workplace. Familiarize yourself with the laws in your area so you know what protections you have.

When it’s necessary, consult with a lawyer who specializes in this area to understand your options.

Conclusion: The Power of Respect

The real distinction between flirting and harassment boils down to respect. Flirting is about having fun while harassment is used as a form of manipulation and control.

So as we find our way through the ins and outs of relationships, let’s instigate a culture that understands respect and consent. Avoiding being hassled is essential, but there’s more to it than that — ensuring a pleasant environment in which people feel welcomed and wanted.

Actually, “It’s a lot”, said one of my clients. It can be difficult to navigate these social waters. But flirt from a place of awareness, empathy, and respect — and maybe we can end the day where harassment is as archaic to us as old bushy britches are.

So the next time you feel like flirting, just do a litmus test with yourself, and perhaps even ask the other person. Do you respect their boundaries? Are they reciprocating? And if the answer to those questions is yes, you may want to keep on with that flirty banter. Finally, in case of doubt.

In the end, respect is the sexiest thing about any conversation. And that my friends, is something we could all use a little bit more of.

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