6 Ways to Be Mature Gradually: Emotionally & Acts

Let me tell you something that took me years to figure out — maturity isn’t about hitting some magical age or suddenly becoming a different person overnight.

I’ve spent countless hours talking with people about relationships and personal growth, and here’s what really gets me: we’re all trying to “adult” without really knowing what that means.

You know what’s funny? I was just talking with a friend last week who said, “Steven, I’m 30 now. Shouldn’t I have my shit together by now?” That hit home because I remember feeling exactly the same way in my mid-twenties.

The truth is, real maturity has nothing to do with your age. I’ve met 20-year-olds who handle life better than some 50-year-olds I know. It’s all about how you approach life, handle your emotions, and deal with others.

Research actually backs this up – turns out that true maturity shows up in how we handle ourselves when things get exciting or risky[1].

Here’s what nobody tells you about becoming more mature…

It Starts With Emotional Control (But Not in the Way You Think)

Most people think emotional control means never getting angry or upset. That’s not it at all. I’ve spent years watching people try to bottle up their emotions thinking that’s what maturity looks like. Spoiler alert: it usually ends in an emotional explosion.

True emotional control is something entirely different. It’s about understanding your triggers and having enough self-awareness to navigate them.

Think about those moments when your boss criticizes your work or your partner says something that hits a nerve. Your first instinct might be to react defensively or lash out. The difference between maturity and immaturity lies in that tiny space between feeling and acting.

The science actually backs this up. Research shows that emotional maturity and self-efficacy are deeply connected – meaning people who can manage their emotions effectively also tend to be better at handling life’s challenges[2].

I’ve seen this play out countless times in my work. People who learn to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than immediately reacting to them tend to build stronger relationships and handle workplace challenges more effectively.

Dr. Romanoff’s insight about becoming more attuned to your needs and identity isn’t just theoretical — it’s about developing a deeper understanding of why you react the way you do.

Sometimes what feels like anger on the surface is actually fear or hurt underneath. Maturity means getting comfortable with that complexity.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Growth

Nobody likes talking about this part, but growth hurts. It’s messy and uncomfortable, and there’s no way around that.

I remember working with a client who kept finding herself in the same toxic relationship patterns. She knew she needed to change, but facing her own contribution to these patterns was incredibly painful.

The real transformation happens when you stop running from discomfort. I’ve watched people face their deepest insecurities – admitting to mistakes at work, acknowledging their role in failed relationships, confronting their own biases – and emerge stronger on the other side.

This kind of growth isn’t linear. Some days you’ll handle situations like a pro, and other days you’ll fall back into old patterns.

Here’s something that really stuck with me from my research: emotional suppression actually leads to adverse health effects[3]. It’s not just about mental well-being — trying to force yourself to “act mature” by suppressing your true feelings can literally impact your physical health. The key is learning to process emotions, not push them away.

This ties into what Dr. Romanoff warns about being your own worst enemy. When we resist growth because it’s uncomfortable, we end up sabotaging ourselves. I’ve seen people stay in jobs they hate or relationships that don’t serve them simply because facing change feels too overwhelming.

But here’s the truth: that discomfort you feel when facing hard truths or making difficult decisions? That’s often where real maturity develops.

The process involves developing what psychologists call emotional permanence — the ability to maintain a stable sense of self even when things get tough. It’s about building the capacity to face challenges without your whole world feeling like it’s falling apart.

This doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly doesn’t happen by pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t.

Real Talk About Responsibility

Let’s cut through the noise about what responsibility really means.

From my years of working with people navigating personal growth, I’ve noticed something fascinating: responsibility isn’t just about handling tasks or meeting deadlines — it’s about owning your entire life experience.

Think about workplace dynamics. That meeting scenario where someone criticizes your work? It’s a perfect microcosm of how responsibility plays out in real life. The immature response — getting defensive, blaming others, or making excuses – comes from a place of fear.

I’ve watched countless professionals struggle with this, including myself in my early career. But true maturity emerges when you can separate criticism of your work from criticism of your worth as a person.

This connects deeply to what research shows about emotional intelligence and workplace burnout. Studies indicate that high emotional intelligence significantly reduces the likelihood of burnout[4] — not because it makes challenges easier, but because it changes how we respond to them.

When you take responsibility for your reactions and emotions, you stop being at the mercy of external circumstances.

The tricky part is… responsibility also means accepting the consequences of your choices. I’ve observed that people often confuse taking responsibility with taking blame. They’re not the same thing.

Taking responsibility means acknowledging your role in situations and, more importantly, your power to affect change.

The Growth Nobody Talks About

There’s a hidden side to maturity that rarely gets discussed — the internal struggles that come with growing up.

One of the most profound insights I’ve gained from working with people is that immature behavior often stems from unacknowledged fear or insecurity. When someone’s constantly seeking attention or validation, it’s usually because they haven’t developed a strong internal sense of self-worth.

This connects to what psychologists have observed about the relationship between emotional maturity and self-efficacy.

The research published in the International Journal of Indian Psychology reveals something crucial: those with greater emotional maturity tend to have higher self-efficacy[5]. In other words, truly mature people trust in their ability to handle life’s challenges.

The fascinating part is how this manifests in everyday life. That person at work who’s always showing off their achievements? Or the friend who can’t handle any criticism?

These behaviors often mask a deeper struggle with self-worth. True maturity involves developing what I call “quiet confidence” — the kind that doesn’t need constant external validation.

Breaking Free from the Maturity Myths

Society has fed us some pretty misleading ideas about what maturity looks like. The biggest myth? That being mature means being serious all the time and giving up playfulness.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. Drawing from my experience working with people, I’ve seen how this misconception actually hinders genuine emotional growth.

The cultural commentary around maturity often focuses on external markers – your job title, relationship status, or material possessions. But these are superficial measures that miss the deeper aspects of emotional development.

As one source points out, “People who don’t grow up tie their value to objects.” True maturity isn’t about what you own or your social status — it’s about how you navigate life’s complexities.

Here’s what’s really interesting: mature people often maintain their sense of playfulness and joy while developing better judgment about when and how to express it.

It’s about context and appropriateness, not about suppressing your authentic self. The research supports this — emotional maturity is linked to better decision-making and stress management, not to becoming more rigid or serious[6].

Think about the most genuinely mature people you know. They’re often the ones who can have fun and be silly in appropriate settings while still maintaining boundaries and handling serious situations with grace.

This balance comes from a deep understanding of context and an authentic connection to their values.

The most profound aspect of breaking free from these myths is realizing that maturity isn’t a destination — it’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s about developing the wisdom to know when to be serious and when to be light-hearted, when to stand firm and when to be flexible.

The Path Forward

Look, becoming more mature isn’t a straight line.

Some days you’ll handle things like a boss, and others… well, let’s just say we all have our moments. The key is being patient with yourself while still holding yourself accountable.

Start small. Maybe it’s:

• Pausing before reacting to that annoying text
• Actually listening when someone’s talking instead of planning your response
• Owning up to mistakes instead of making excuses
• Taking care of your responsibilities without someone reminding you

Remember, maturity isn’t about being perfect – it’s about being better than you were yesterday. And sometimes that means taking two steps forward and one step back.

At the end of the day, true maturity is about becoming someone who can handle life’s challenges while staying true to who they are. It’s about growing up without losing yourself in the process.

So next time someone tells you to “grow up,” remember – real maturity isn’t about age or acting serious all the time. It’s about developing the emotional intelligence to navigate life’s ups and downs while staying true to yourself.

For Further Reading

1. Top 9 Reasons Why People Hate You (The Haters’ Fault)
2. Being Mature Is Not That Hard Than You Think
3. One True Reason: Why Men Watch Porn? (Even in Marriage)
4. I’m 17… How Can I Be Mature Faster?