What to do if my girlfriend likes to party all the time? This used to be one of my biggest trouble, and it was something just a few years ago.
And at that time, I was finding love problem solutions like this, too. I want to share my experience and thoughts with you. The post is written for you readers on the one hand and myself on the other.
- What is an alpha male?
- What is a beta male?
- 1 Put yourself in the core position of a relationship
- 2 Communicate with her and offer understanding to her
- 3 Consult a relationship expert or your friends
- 4 Maintain your relationship and be ready for a long run
- 5 The last and most effective method is to leave her
- Conclusion
In the beginning, I want to introduce a few concepts about alpha and beta males to you.
What is an alpha male?
“Alpha male” and “Beta male” are special terms in the red pill theory of gender relations.
Alpha male is someone who takes the dominant position in a particular group, or a male animal ranks highest in a dominant hierarchy. In all, alpha male leads his and many other people’s direction.
Alpha males focus on their careers more than gender relations. For them, relationships and marriages are just attachments to their lives, and they never waste additional energy on stuff like that.
And in a relationship, alpha males never get hooked up and always prepare to leave their mates.
What is a beta male?
Literally, beta(β) is inferior to alpha(α), and it’s easy to derive the definition of beta males.
In all, beta males are losers, the poor, the immature, and the unattractive. And beta males’ primary behavior in a relationship is they never feel secure and are afraid to be discarded by their mates.
The most general reason is that nothing is uplifting in their lives other than their mates. And nobody wants to be considered a beta in a relationship.
Now back to our problem, what to do if my girlfriend likes to party all the time?
Let’s dive in.
1 Put yourself in the core position of a relationship
Realizing that you are a man instead of a boy is fundamental. A real man is an alpha who always takes the initiative in relationships and is never afraid to lose. A real man is selfish, so he never feels bad.
So first and foremost, you need to clarify your true thoughts. Do you really love your girlfriend? How much time and energy you can afford to solve the problem? The easiest way to solve the problem is to leave, clearly.
1.1 Do a self-reflection
The only thing that truly matters in your life is yourself, your profits, and your feelings. You are responsible for yourself first, and to be responsible enough, you need to figure out what kind of woman you like in the first place.
Which type of girl would you like? Which type will never cause you trouble? Are you qualified to match that type? How much do you still need to pay to get what you want?
Do not waste time in casual dating and relations. Time is a variable thing. If you know what you truly want and whom you want to be, you may achieve it by hard working.
The harder you work, the more time you put into your work, the more benefits you gonna harvest. And this is why I believe time is treasure.
1.2 Treat your girlfriend as a child
From my perspective, there is only one type of people in the world, and that’s people who need care and help.
Every people gets in trouble everyday, and every one is in want of something. After taking responsible for yourself, being responsible for others denotes that you are mature, already an adult man. You can handle things.
As the boyfriend of your girl, the leader of your relationship, you should skip the phenomenon and look into the essence.
Your girlfriend probably is younger than 20 years old, and they should be just children in your eyes. It’s because women at this age are not married and have less working pressure usually, they have more free time.
Maybe you are the same age, but you are a man and need to rise to the challenge of your enhanced responsibilities.
Taking myself for illustration.
At the beginning of my past relationship, it used to be tiring trying to keep up with the mind games. But as I matured, I removed my emotions from the equation (emotions physically drain your energy) and got my money up a little bit.
I started to treat every woman I dated like a child, because I still remember acting up when I was a child.
My dad and mom would verbally scold me to the highest degree, and I would cry. Then after some time, they hugged me (My mom, not my dad but now I know why) and told me why they did this. That’s what adults would do if their kids make mistakes.
So in the relationship, you are the mature one, the leading one, the one who has rules clear to your partner. Nevertheless, one more thing I want to emphasize, treating your girlfriend like a child doesn’t mean she is a child in reality.
Sometimes girls can be dangerous, and you need to be smart enough to achieve self-protection. Girls in a relationship may test you frequently. She may be taking partying as an excuse to try to change your settled rules in the relationship.
1.3 summary
I want you to keep in mind that if you lose your dominance in the relationship, it equals you lost your girlfriend. A man who rules the relationship is an alpha, but he would turn into a beta if he did something wrong. Nobody wants to be a beta male.
2 Communicate with her and offer understanding to her
Being dominant in a relationship is essential, and girls can sometimes be hard to deal with. But we are with a girl in a relationship, not an enemy.
Everything should be built on love and codependency. If you do not think enough and offer your girlfriend understanding, you will still lose your girlfriend.
2.1 Understand that the golden period of a woman’s life is short
To be honest, most women’s reaction to family life is hilarious. You can tell all of them are still children in adult bodies with no clue about reality, and they are surrounded by other females who are also children in adult bodies.
You can ask one of your friends that just had a kid to see if she’s laughing at the idea of not going out?
Women generally don’t understand when you have a kid, your life is over, and there is no “my time” anymore. A kid is literally an entire job by itself.
My friend had a kid 2/3 years ago and told me she probably wouldn’t have another one because it’s too much work. She didn’t expect to have to be there 24/7 like a slave.
Women who think they can have a kid and job simultaneously or have time to have fun/party are delusional. Even seeing your friends, when you’re 30 and up and got a family, picking up your phone and asking your friend, “where you at? wanna hang out” is over.
At best, you will see your friends once a month, because everyone is busy with their family lives.
So it’s easy to explain that single women aged 30 and up are most depressed. Because their friends have families, they realize they don’t have friends to fill their celibate void anymore. They look around, and it’s just themselves with no one around, and reality hits.
2.2 Build your methodology and communicate with her
You are the leader in the relationship, just like a CEO in a company or the president in an independent country.
I do think communication is one of the best ways to solve a problem. Elon Musk has ever said that if you read enough books and talk to enough people, you can solve any problem.
As an alpha man, you need to cope with all kinds of difficulties in your entire life. To simplify the procedure and decrease your time and energy input, you can build yourself something called methodology.
Methodology is a problem-solving abstract structure building in one’s mind, customized for particular people. We can take Elon Musk’s 5-step design as example. His methodology has more reference value than regular people, which includes:
- Make the requirements less dumb
- Delete the part or process
- Simplify or optimise the design
- Accelerate cycle time
- Automate
So, what is your methodology for solving the problem with your girlfriend? For me, it’s analyzing the source of the problem, the details of the problem, and the result I want to get.
The source of the problem may be that you ignored her too much, or you did something stupid which made her feel bad, making her want to leave you or have fun somewhere else, but you didn’t realize it.
The result you will have is back to a relationship you are satisfied with. And we know communication is the prescription for it.
Communication is helpful and usually easier than regular people think. Ask clearly about what happened to her, and do what she needs you to do.
By communicating, you two can adjust the rules in the relationship, reconcile, and set clear boundaries. And you can find out things to do together other than partying (especially letting her go partying alone), including:
- Go for a walk
- Watch a movie together
- Learn about cooking and tasting food
- Recreate your first date
- Take a hot air ballon ride
- Hike
- Travel around the world
But the possibility that she is unwilling to communicate still exists. What can you do in this situation? You can check points 3 and 5.
3 Consult a relationship expert or your friends
It’s never a bad idea to consult someone specialize in the area. If the communication between you two is hard to continue, consultation may help. If you think that’s unnecessary, you can come to your friends for help, too.
3.1 Consult a relationship expert
Seeking for help may be hard to accept for some people. Reasons for this may be knowledge lackness of the service , fear (No consultation experience before may lead to fear) or pride, etc. So many reasons could keep one from relationship or marriage counseling.
But in reality, relationship therapy and counseling usually be effective for most situations. Studies show that couples who have never attended marriage counseling and treatment have a 30 percent lower marital success rate than couples who have ever done it.
Many people, especially Americans take having a good relationship and marriage on their tier one list. When something like “what should I do when … happens in a relationship” becomes your problem (includes girlfriend likes to party all the time), you could consider doing this to solve it.
There are a few types of relationship counseling below:
3.1.1 The Gottman Method
The method, which was developed by psychologist Dr.John, strives to enhance empathetic concern in a couple and promote intimacy and communication in a relationship. Majoring in 3 areas including:
- Friendship
- Empathy
- Handling conflicts
It uses a few points called The Sound Realtionship House:
- Promises
- Trust
- Conflicts handling
- Dreams
- Positive aspects
- Happiness sharing
- Build relationship plats
- Get to know each other
3.1.2 Imago Relationship Therapy
Taking IRT as the abbreviation, this kind of counseling helps you recall early-age memory and get your mate to participate.
It enables you to realize your subconsciousness to draw the image you position yourself in your relationship. Based on memory, it can be private in some circumstances. In a particular situation, it could help you with your relationship curing.
3.1.3 Narrative Therapy
This kind of method helps relationship in trouble by analyzing detailed history before. In short, it focus on your past stories, mainly about:
- Conflict
- Misunderstanding
- Chiding
- Disconnection
- Compunction
3.2 Ask friends for help
Do you have a common friend of yours two? If you are in a similar social circle, it is available. I can imagine that you do not have that friend in most cases.
You may turn to your own friends to describe the trouble you are facing. And a friend who has abundant experience in gender relations may be most helpful. The major difference between such people and experts is that they don’t have a professional certification.
Knowledge comes from practice, and a few words from this kind of guy could overshadow your overthinking. If you do not have such a friend, you can also consult people and find answers somewhere like youtube.
4 Maintain your relationship and be ready for a long run
If you have already be clear about what kind of woman who’s worth your time input just as I mentioned in point 1, and still choose your current girlfriend as your partner, it may take much longer and a lot more than you ever imagine.
Life is not a fairy tale. Troubles in life can sometimes be tough to deal with. Some may look easy, but it takes a lot of work and time. It may appear a small stain on the surface but has rotten thoroughly under the cover.
So you are ready to devote yourself to her, invest in her. As a man, the one who lead the direction and take major responsibilities, you have a lot to do, including:
4.1 find out the true reasons of her doings
Why would she likes to party all the time? Why it just has to be party, instead of other things?
There are many reasons she likes to party outside instead of staying home with you. It may be boredom, sexual addiction, the thrill of sexual novelty, and more.
According to opinions from experts, men seek more attention or sex, and women search for emotional void by doing something like partying all the time.
By the way, you need to check out if she is using drugs now. Drugs are in bond with disease and death. If she uses something like this, her life of happiness and love is over. It would be best if you dumped her as fast as you could. You may take a look at point 5 of the post.
So you have figured out the reasons in the end. What path do you want to follow? Dump her, or save her?
4.2 Prepare for a long run to “save” her
Honestly, saving a woman is not what an alpha man would do.
When an alpha man dates, he chooses the type of girl he would fall for instead of a certain girl. He would select the most cost-effective girl after a comprehensive analysis.
If a girl needs “rescue” instead of a boyfriend, alpha men will just leave with out turning back. Just as I mentioned in point 1, in the center of alpha men stands themselves.
So words above are what I want to tell you in this part of the post, and that’s why I quoted “save.” You need to think a lot and make a hard choice before deciding to save someone. Alpha men keep their minds sharp always. Alpha men make the right choice always.
So if she is really whom you love, she is not replaceable to you. And you decide to save her. You know she just turned in the wrong direction for specific reasons you have analyzed before. Partying all the time may destroy her life, and that’s not what you want.
Saving someone you love is a kind of heroism, and changing someone is hard work. It takes perseverance. But the more it takes, the longer and happier your relationship will be.
Perseverance maybe one of the hardest things in the world. But I want to emphasize the essence of perseverance:
One who persists is a hero. A hero never gets his spirits broken. A hero never gets disappointed. If you do not want any positive feedback and keep trying and moving forward, you will never get disappointed, and you are bound to make it.
Not just for this problem. No matter what difficulty that needs perseverance in the world in front of you, this can helps you defeat it anyway.
Love is hard work. If you want to make it, look at the lines below.
The only guarantee for failure is to stop trying. ——John C. Maxwell
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other. ——Walter Elliot
Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. ——Pele
5 The last and most effective method is to leave her
People would ask: a real man will let the woman do what they want except for cheating of course. But if they want to stay out late or go to a club, what’s wrong with that?
One who wants to keep the relationship may say this:
Think of it this way. So you have a really good friend, or a son or daughter, whom you trust to drive their car out on the road. One day they get in an accident, and a dumb choice causes it. Are you angry? Upset? Probably, but do you leave them forever? Probably not.
One who wants to dump her replys:
That’s completely different than being in a relationship with someone. If you are in a relationship with someone, you build and develop trust. Once that trust is broken, it’s time to move on.
5.1 In most cases, dumping her is the best choice
In most situations that make you uncomfortable, such as her partying all the time, the best response is to let her go out and not care about it. In short, if you get tired of her, it’s definitely acceptable to take a break from a relationship.
As I mentioned in point 1, walking away is always the easiest way. Only a few people in the people-crammed world deserve to be saved. If someone takes no responsibility for herself, there’s nothing we can do about it.
At the end of the day, there is nothing you can do to stop her from cheating if she wants to cheat. What you do have control of is your ability to walk away from her in a heartbeat once it happens.
5.2 Exceptions still remains
So if she goes out with her girls, you should dump her? Another factor is how often this happens.
If all her girlfriends go out together once in a while (I’m talking maybe once every several months), I’m not necessarily going to wave the red flag at that because people have to be able to maintain their social lives and friend groups.
If it’s a frequent thing and it’s during the ovulation window, then that’s a different matter.
It doesn’t matter in the end if she thinks you’re the best guy she could get, but in 2023 how realistic is that? Is it realistic to expect men to be the best possible partner a woman can have?
It’s one thing if it’s better than the drunk guys with a bad game at a shitty bar, but it’s another thing entirely to be the best guy out of her hundreds of Tinder matches in her metropolitan area.
It could never be realistic and reasonable to be the best guy out of the million men in your city she could match with. So letting her party too much without doing anything is never a good choice.
Conclusion
First, you need to be an alpha man, a leader in your relationship.
You are the one who takes responsibility, the one who’s always prepared to leave. If you can not lead the relationship, you are nobody in her eyes, and it seems like you are begging her for love. This kind of relationship will never make you happy.
Second, you need to communicate with your girlfriend and try to find out what’s happening to her.
It takes some time for a man to really understand a woman, but as you make it, you will be more than clear in a relationship about what to do and what not to do. There is not too much time for a regular woman to enjoy ease and happiness, only in adolescence.
What’s more, with their world built on unclear or naive realization of the world, they may feel an emotional void and take wrong measures to fill it. You need to do her a favor.
Third, you can come to an expert, participate in relationship counseling, or consult people with abundant relationship experience.
There are several types of therapies you can choose. And it’s never a wrong choice to do this.
Fourth, you can be her savior, but the process will be a long journey.
If you determine to maintain the relationship and keep it healthy for a long, you need to be prepared for a lot of work. You need to push it to the end.
She may be broken inside, with a bad childhood memory or stuff like that. Anyway, it’s you who choose to take the responsibility.
The last point you can choose is dumping her.
Go chasing another girl that makes you feel better. She ignores your opinion and always goes to parties, which means she does not care about you. She may have cheated on you, too.
If you don’t leave, relationship problems might evolve into marriage problems. Infidelity in marriage causes much more damage than cheating in a tumultuous relationship.
In most cases, the best choice is to leave.
