In this post, I will tell you how to activate a man’s love by listening differently and understanding them better.
Listening is the cornerstone of all successful relationships. I will give you a key differentiator so you can determine whether your listening is helping your relationship or hurting it.
It’s not a secret that listening is essential to any successful relationship. It truly is the foundational building block of trust, intimacy, and connection with your partner.
Even though that may be common knowledge, it’s interesting that many people don’t listen well.
I’m not here to throw you under the bus, but I would like you to look at the listening you and your partner have or have had.
Listening in relationships falls into two main categories.
You have reactive listening, and you have reflective listening. That distinction will make a massive difference in your connections with men.
1 Reactive listening
Reactive listening is what most people do. As the name sounds, you can figure it out.
It means that we are responding reactively, reflexively to whatever it is that someone is sharing with us.
What does that mean? It means that we need to think about the nature of our response, what our partner needs, and why they’re sharing with us in the first place.
What does reactive listening look like in practice?
One of the most significant ways is taking things personally and getting defensive. Your partner is trying to share something with you, and you make it about you.
- For example, he says he’s stressed out and feeling burdened.
Your mind might immediately jumps to, “Oh my gosh, I must be a burden to him. I must be the one stressing him out. That’s why he’s sharing those feelings with me.”
Then you might get aggressive. You might get defensive with him, and you might shut down.
- Another example is he’s sharing with you a problem or challenge that he’s having.
You might automatically go into fix-it mode, trying to give him advice, telling him what he should do without fully knowing what he needs from you.
These are just two of the many ways that we can listen reactively.
What are we doing when we’re listening reactively? We’re making it about us. We’re making it about our feelings, our positions.
We’re not making it about what that other person needs or what their intentions may be behind it. When we do that, the effects can be huge.
Reactive listening creates conflict, especially when you’re being defensive.
You’re taking things personally and attacking him for his vulnerability. It sets a bad example for men for their listening.
It also undermines intimacy and vulnerability for men, especially if we’re not used to being vulnerable in a relationship.
Remember, you are the conductor of your relationship’s emotional and communicative aspects. You demonstrate to him what it means to be a communicator in a relationship.
If you’re listening from a reactive shut down space, he will think it’s how you do it. He will give that same thing back to you, which you know you don’t want.
Over time, reactive listening creates disconnection and distance. It can end up sabotaging or ending an otherwise healthy relationship.
We want something else. You’re in luck because there is another way, reflective listening.
2 Reflective listening
Reflective listening includes a key term, reflection, that illustrates one of the fundamental principles of a healthy relationship, that you and your partner are mirrors of each other.
Reflective listening is you experience and reflect upon what your partner is sharing and what they need from you. Then you respond intentionally in a way that best fits the situation’s needs.
Basically, reflective listening is listening from a space where you’re making the conversation about them.
In other words, reflective listening is conscious listening. It’s the listening dedicated and committed to serving and supporting the sharer.
This person is reaching out to you in a way that builds understanding and intimacy between the two of you.
Here are two questions to consider when you’re reflectively listening to what your partner is sharing with you.
The first question is,
- What motivates your partner to share?
- What do they want or need from you?
- Are they just looking to vent and need you to hold space for them?
- Are they looking for advice and support, and guidance from you?
Or maybe they’re just looking for emotional support.
One big way to answer that question is, to look at the energy behind his words and the context behind the situation.
As an intuitive, connected woman, you should be able to sniff it out.
Once you identify what they want or need from you, you’ll be able to give that to them in the way that you respond, in a very intentional, loving way, which he will totally appreciate.
If it’s unclear, you need to ask, “How can I support you?”
This is a powerful question that when someone is sharing their stories and challenges, you are welcome to say that you appreciate them.
Conclusion
Reflective listening has so many significant effects on your relationship.
- Your partner will feel comfortable being vulnerable with you. He/She will sharing with you what’s coming up, which is incredibly important (especially for men).
- You and your partner will get the support you need. He’ll be following your lead and listening reflectively to you.
- You’ll learn from and understand each other much deeper. Your understanding of your shares won’t be cut off by your triggers, defensiveness, or walls going up.
The next time your partner shares something with you, I want you to check in and ask yourself,
“Am I listening reactively, or am I listening reflectively? Is my listening about him, or is it about me?”
[Related Post: 4 Detailed Ways To Inspire A Man’s Love]
Suppose you can check in with yourself and come back into alignment with your intention to create a vulnerable, loving, safe space by listening reflectively.
In that case, it will activate his love, deepen your relationship and create a win-win for both of you.
