You are reading the post probably because you have been solo since birth. You may be confused: why is God keeping me single while other people enjoy their relationship with their partners?
In this post, I will share the five fatal love mistakes that keep you single, and I believe they are the five most ordinary things. I’ve seen many mistakes women make in the early stages of dating, which ruin their chances of having the relationship they truly deserve.
Indeed, they are truly worthy of a perfect relationship. And hence we will go through these mistakes in order, from the very beginning of putting themselves out there to the early stages of a relationship.
Let’s dive into it.
1 Expecting a relationship that doesn’t takes much energy and time
People who stay single all the time may expect a relationship to drop into their life without putting out any time, effort, or energy. You can manifest an incredible partner, but that manifestation requires you to do your work. And two types of work need to be done.
1.1 Inner work
The first type is inner work. It is becoming the best version of yourself and having a clear, powerful vision for the type of relationship you truly want.
You need to be willing to put in the effort to become the best version of yourself to get the best possible relationship. Because every relationship you have with someone else is inevitably a mirror of who you are.
You need clarity around the type of relationship you want and have a great vision for it to be able to call it in. Those two components of the inner work are critical.
1.2 Outer work
And the other phase is the outer work, which is putting yourself out there, constructing an excellent dating profile, and fostering connections with guys.
It is going out with friends to social events, going to bars, and going to mixers. It is going to places where people have shared interests with you and are open to connecting.
When it comes to putting yourself out, it demonstrates that I’m open to connection and I am going out there with a genuine intention to connect with men.
Suppose you go onto an online dating app, but you’re not really intentional about fostering connections with men, talking with them, inviting them forward into dating and stuff. In that case, it’s never going to happen.
You cannot have the relationship you want by staying and being who you are. Sitting on the couch and expecting Mr.Right to break into your house and come track you down is not the way that works.
2 Leaning back too far
Leaning back means you engage in a relationship passively. From some theories, leaning back increases your value in guys’ eyes, but it sometimes keeps you away from a valuable relationship.
I understand a large portion of the dating community out there preaches leaning back as a tool to get a man to chase you. But here’s the thing.
Do we really want the date to become this calculated manipulative process? Because if you’re leaning back super far just to entice or to manipulate a man into chasing after you, you’ve turned dating into a shallow sort of manipulative process right now.
I’m not saying you can’t lean back and have to invite a man to come forward, but don’t lean back so far that he doesn’t think you’re interested.
Don’t lean back so far that it starts to show up as calculated on his head. Because if you do that and he gets the vibe that you’re playing games with him, he will either walk away or play games back.
Indeed, neither of those results sets the foundation for the relationship you truly want.
3 Setting strict standards for your partners
I see so many women make this mistake when they’re starting to go out with guys.
It is putting pressure on themselves that every guy has to be their soul mate. It’s either the one or nothing right when you put that sort of pressure on your dating life, and every person you’re dating has to meet this considerable standard of being your life partner.
It creates a lot of stress and turns a date into an audition. You’re evaluating them to see if they fit your box and if they are the type of person you want to spend your life with.
When you do that, it turns the date into a baby daddy audition, killing the organic dance of getting to know somebody. So I invite you to leave your expectations and this soulmate standard at the door.
Instead, choose to see whoever’s across from you as a person and to see if you enjoy spending time with them. Just take the pressure off, and make a choice that will make you have a good time. See where things would go okay.
4 Wrong projection
I see many women ending a relationship before it begins by sabotaging it through projection.
Projection is where we take a past trauma that we’ve experienced in a past relationship. And we project it like a movie projector onto the person we’re experiencing now.
Maybe a guy would compliment you and say you have beautiful eyes, and you get triggered because your last boyfriend who cheated on you always said the same.
So all of a sudden, you’re in the feelings of that betrayal and pain you went through with your ex, and you start being aggressive or projecting onto him, seeing him as that person.
And trust me, I have been projected upon by multiple past partners I’ve had in my life several times. It is excruciating and emotionally brutal as a guy to see a woman looking at you but seeing the pain the past person caused on her. She’s throwing that at you, and apparently, it will make you feel unsafe.
Emotional safety is the biggest thing you want to cultivate with the masculine if you want him to put down his walls and be open to an emotionally fulfilling relationship with you.
So recognize that it’s essential to check in with yourself and ask yourself if you’re feeling triggered by a guy you just met and ask yourself whether this man’s behavior really triggers me, or is this trigger a past projection from a partner in the memory.
Because every partner, both you and the person you’re talking to, connecting with you has a right to be seen and experienced for who you are.
We can’t let our past trauma and experiences sabotage and be weaponized against the person we wish to know.
5 Defaulting into masculine energy
This can happen for a lot of reasons in conflict. If there’s a conflict between you and your partner, women often default to masculine energy to win the battle or the confrontation.
That might be aggressive and forceful, trying to take control of the conflict and push a man into a resolution that’s in your best interest rather than staying in your feminine and vulnerably expressing from your heart.
This isn’t working for me anyway. I’m not willing to be in that space with you because maybe you feel a guy checking out a little bit, or you’re starting to get to know him, and you’re just comfortable being in your masculine and telling a guy what to do.
Because that’s what you do at work or in past relationships, you tell him how to drive, do this and that, etc. Maybe a guy is going on a date, but you try to micromanage him, or you’re highly critical of him in a controlling way.
If you start embodying that masculine energy because it’s comfortable for you, trust me, it will depolarize the connection with this guy, and he will check out finally. He will disconnect, and the relationship will be over.
It’s crucial throughout the bond you have with a partner that you allow yourself to be in your feminine, that you allow yourself to be vulnerable, open, playful, and sensual.
A loving interruption to the heaviness of his life and that you let him be the masculine partner within the relational container.
Conclusion
If you want to have polarity with someone in a relationship, it is absolutely essential for you to know the mistakes.
So I hope these five common mistakes will support you and serve you in having better, more fulfilling, more dynamic connections and relationships with men.
